1 B: Be Present
Trust your instincts. When something feels off, know what to look for.
The first step in being present is to be honest about the barriers many of us have to being present when mental health related issues arise. Unlike physical health, experiencing mental health challenges often comes with a lot of vulnerability and sensitivity, which can leave people feeling less than ready to share. And, because it often affects the way we feel and perceive the world, we don’t always have full command of our emotions and thoughts – – something that can leave us feeling both vulnerable and make it difficult to communicate clearly.
Help givers also experience confusion for a number of reasons. For example and as depicted in this figure as we move from left to right:
- Friends may want to help but fear the impact on their relationship,
- Friends may be concerned about their own ability to handle the challenges their friend is facing,
- They may worry that their good intentions will make things worse or
- They may simply be confused about what the right thing to do is.
In addition to recognizing and working with the natural barriers that can come with noticing and responding, it’s important to know what to look for.
In general, you’re looking for changes that signal less attention or effort in ways that is not typical for your friend. Look for changes in:
- Appearance
- Mood
- Speech
- Behavior
- Relationships
- Academic performance
- Level of engagement
- Sleep patterns
- Physical health
Sometimes you don’t notice these more obvious changes but you might see other more subtle signs. Other signs:
- Irritability/anger
- Elevated risk-taking behavior
- Depression
- Self-injury or other forms of indirect self-harm
- Persistent restlessness
- Change in use of substances
Sometimes it’s none of these things – – you just feel like something is off. It’s important to remember that you don’t need to be an expert to notice you really just need to trust your instinct and observations. The worst thing that could happen if you check in with your friend is that they know that you care. There’s no way to go wrong!