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20 Deja James – You as a Writer

Deja James (she/her) is a first-year student from Richmond majoring in Human Life Sciences. This essay is a collection of write-ups prepared for Jackie Kauza’s Eng W131.  Professor Jackie Kauza notes, “Deja has a truly wonderful talent for richly descriptive language. Some of the moments she included in her You as a Writer Paper were absolutely captivating, drawing a reader right into emotional, powerful instances.”

You as a Writer

Just as a gentle river constantly flows, so do our minds. However, my mind is more like a whitewater rafting experience; a crazy ride that’s uneasy to navigate, getting thrown all over the place. As a writer, this is a synchronous blessing and curse. On one hand, having a hyperactive head makes me a very creative individual with an endless pool of ideas, like a clock that never stops turning. On the other hand, it can be highly difficult for me to stay focused, which can make my writing process very problematic and tiresome. After many trials and failures, I always remain optimistic and produce beautifully written works that I find great pride in. I also must recognize my literary sponsors and favorite genres that inspire me to be the most creative, fluent, and soulful writer I know I have the potential to be.

To begin my writing process in an academic setting, I like to brainstorm all of my ideas down physically on a piece of paper. This can be in the form of lists, webs, bulleted key phrases, or drawings. Whatever it may be, I am a visual learner and benefit from having all of my ideas translated onto something I can observe. When it is time to narrow these ideas down to one focused topic, however, this is where trouble starts brewing. My overthinking tendencies take over my whole existence, along with annoyance and frustration. I also find myself anxiously comparing my experiences to others because I realize this is where I always start to fall behind. Even as a child in elementary school, I would start panicking when my peers seemed to fly through their writing processes so effortlessly, while I was stuck in the mud overthinking how I would even start my paper. Nonetheless, somehow I always persevere through stage one of overthinking and jump to stage two: play catch-up. My time management has never been the greatest to say the least. After dragging my feet from overthinking, I am usually racing against time, where the finish line is the dreadful due date. I wish procrastination wasn’t a part of my writing process, but I would be lying if I were to say that it isn’t. For some strange reason, the only way I find myself motivated enough to finish a paper is by doing it the day that it is due. While this isn’t practical or the best idea whatsoever, it is the process that works for me when it comes to academic writing. I never claimed to be perfect, as, just like my writing, I am a work in progress.

In regard to writing outside of school, I find much more joy and connection with the art of journaling. I like to keep a personalized journal where I can be free to express myself and any emotions I may need to release. This is a very therapeutic practice for me because I struggle to talk about my emotions with others. Writing down all of those feelings I build up is a way for me to release stagnant energy and find mental clarity. Sometimes, my journaling is just me being free with my own mind. Other times, I find prompts to answer that will help me write in a more structured, intentional fashion. For instance, I will find guided self-therapy prompts online that might be rooted in releasing trauma or navigating through my current state of mind. I also have used sources like books about mental health and self-healing, where I can use evidence-based prompts from licensed therapists to organize my writing. In this form, the audience is myself, whether I am talking to my past, current, or future self. My purpose of journaling is to let go of everything I hold on to without any pressure or limitations, in order to seek some sort of peace. This is often similar to the beginning of my academic writing process because it involves a lot of brainstorming and expression of whatever thoughts that may arise. Yet, these processes differ when journaling because there are no limitations, no pressure, and I am writing solely for myself.

Regardless of if I’m writing in an academic setting or personally journaling, I always try to add my own creative flair and put all of myself on the page. Although I would like to think of myself naturally as a talented writer, I must give credit and appreciation to my most notable literary sponsor, who was my tenth grade Honors English teacher. During this time, I was dealing with a considerable number of family issues, which caused me to experience severe depression and anxiety. I had a hard time with finding the motivation to get out of bed, and I especially had no desire to go to high school. I found it burdensome to find the right outlets for overcoming my mental health struggles. My teacher was one of the few individuals that made me feel comfortable enough to express my feelings by using writing as a catalyst to release some of the stress I was holding on to. She taught me a great deal about rhetoric and made me a better writer with improving literacy skills like voice, language, and purpose just to name a few. We read books like Of Mice and Men, in which she made us engage in critical discussions and in-depth literary analysis. My favorite book that she recommended to me that I read, and one that I still own, is The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. This was a book I could find a lot of joy in and relate to during this tough time of my life. I’ve even reread it as an adult, and it still serves as a reminder of the amazing people and support that writing can bring into one’s life.

We also had a poetry unit, where I had creative freedom to illustrate all of the emotions I resisted so strongly to release. She had us write poems based on the hands of the important people in our lives. This allowed me to write about the important women that raised me and really go in depth with my writing abilities. For example, I wrote about my nanny’s hands holding imprints of love and how her hands were made for cooking. I wrote about all of my favorite foods she would cook for me like pancakes, ribs, collard greens, and mac and cheese. I’ll never forget how she challenged me to push myself to go even further and describe every little detail about these comforting foods. I then painted a picture that set me in the scene, right back to being a young curious girl in the kitchen with my nana and great grandmother. I talked about the seasonings and spices they shook in my memory, without needing any kind of measurement. The Sweet Baby Ray’s barbeque sauce that glistened over the juiciest chicken, burgers, and ribs at every cookout. How I would lick the bone clean and ask for more as my nana would giggle and proudly say, “Mhm, that’s my baby!” How the aroma of that soul food could call on our ancestors and make them jump, and cheer, and sing. How our family would get together at cookouts to dance, sing, eat, and most importantly love. This assignment made me not only a better writer, but a better person. My teacher pushed me to tell a story as if I could see it in my head; as if I could go back in time. I’m not sure if she knows the importance of her impact on my life, but she really helped me take a step out of that dark place I was in. Writing that poem made me feel sparks of hope and joy because I remembered those positive memories when I had no worries, and my family was whole. Through teaching, she supported me as a writer and made me feel safe enough to open up when I really had no one to go to. Not only was she a literary sponsor, but she was a life sponsor because she brought that light back into my life when it was dark.

I can’t go without recognizing my favorite genres of soul music along with fantasy novels and films because they embody who I am as a writer and inspire my personal style. Soul music reminds me of my nana who is always dancing and singing. I truly believe it keeps her spirit so young and full of life, just as it does mine. It is a timeless genre that lights up my aura as soon as I hear those spirited melodies and rhythms. Similarly, I find comfort and joy in fantasy books and films. I was born a daydreamer, always in my own little world since I was a child. I can recall writing my own stories and illustrating short picture books about fairies and magical talking flowers as a young girl. I’ll definitely never forget the first time I read Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone in sixth grade. I fell absolutely in love with the wizarding world and continued to read the whole series. I proceeded to binge watch all of the movies that made me feel so comforted, which I still do at least once a year. Something about this genre makes me feel so free to be my creative, daydreaming self, just as I did when I was a young girl full of innocent imagination. Some of the features of this genre are magical objects and beings, the antagonist and protagonist, love, and some sort of journey or quest. The purpose of all these features is that they are essential to a good plot. Without the magical components, the fantasy genre would not stand out on its own; without the antagonist and protagonist, the story lacks a plot and conflict to follow throughout these characters’ journeys. If you think about it, some of the first stories we are read to as children are fairytales and those of the fantasy genre. That is why it is one of my favorite genres and why I find myself inspired to be the creative, imaginative writer that I am.

Despite having to navigate my thoughts with an intensely active brain, when I write the words out, it all starts to make sense. My writing process may not be the ideal “standard” for writing, but it’s what has always worked out for me. I have the ability to produce fluent writing, adding my own stylistic flair thanks to my literary sponsors and inspiration from soul music to my favorite genre of fantasy. I can create whatever reality I want, healing my emotional wounds and letting my inner child shine through when I write. The sun always comes out after the storm of my wild writing process, resulting in a beautiful collection of myself through words.

 

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