8 Audria Lykins – Not Woman Enough for Love

Audria Lykins is a Junior from Brookville. IN and is a Secondary English Education major.   Audria currently lives in West Harrison, OH. This work was prepared for Jean Harper’s English W311, who states, “Her final project was a compilation of pieces about herself, framed as a kind of “how-to” understand Audria Lykins.  It was acerbically funny, honest, brave.”

Not Woman enough for Love

“Feminine women attract masculine men”

“If you want a manly man then you’ll have to be a feminine woman.”

What defines femininity?

fem·i·nine

/ˈfemənən/

Definition: “Having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with women or girls.”

Ok I’m a girl, I wear makeup, my hair is long, I wear a dress to church. Does that define my womanhood? No matter what a man does, a man is a man. When I was little I used to run around and get dirty. I liked Spiderman, Indiana Jones, and Star Wars, but I was still a girl. Mom says it’s ok, I’m just a kid, I’ll grow out of it, a tomboy is still a girl.

High School.

What do you mean people say I look like a lesbian? I always dress like this?

I have to wake up early to get ready? Why? I shower and I brush my hair and teeth and get dressed? I look like a bum? But boys come to school stinky and wearing the same clothes? I just want to have fun. I want to read and draw, I don’t want to straighten my hair.

I’m behind. No guys approaching me? I need to wear more form fitting clothes? No boyfriend? I need to wear more makeup.

What if I want a guy with specific features? I like jeans and flannel shirts, shaggy hair like my favorite movie star.

NO

If you want a specific type then you must change. Oh yes, you are so beautiful and that’s why guys do not approach you. But you’re also not attracting enough attention to yourself. You’re too picky with the guys you like and you’re not even trying to be attractive!

College. Work.

Friends getting boyfriends, getting engaged. What am I doing wrong? When I complain mom says guys get intimidated by pretty girls. But I should also wear some more eyeshadow, oh fix that hair, wear some snug clothes, you’re built great, show it off.

I’m doing it ok? I wear mascara everyday, I match my clothes. Perfume. Jewelry. Not enough. Oh you’re finally a little feminine now? You don’t act feminine.

Act more feminine.

Girls shouldn’t be sarcastic. Guys don’t like loud mean girls. But I’m just joking? Too bad you’re not sweet enough. You know what, neither is your face. You scowl all of the time, soften your face.

We’re just trying to help you! But I don’t want to change. I don’t want my future husband to change either. I just want him to find me. I like masculine men but I’d never make a man change to fit that way!

Well, too bad. Dress how masculine men would like, you’ll attract him. But that’s not me, I want him to be attracted to ME.

I give up.

That’s why you don’t have a boyfriend! Try try try. But my sister didn’t try and she’s younger than me. She’s feminine. She spends hours getting ready and that’s why she has a boyfriend. But that’s her. Not me. I want to be happy, maybe he’ll just find me-

Nope. You’re not woman enough. You’ll never find him, you’ll be alone. Just change. It’s ok to be yourself…but you’re also not good enough.

Masculine men want feminine women

Masculine men want feminine women

Masculine men want feminine women.