7 THE MENTORING STAGES THROUGH THE GMC PRACTICES

Developing a mentoring relationship takes trust and communication. Mentee and mentor must commit the time to learning to get to know each other in a respectful manner in a safe space. Mentoring is a relationship that develops similar to our other relationships but for a very specific purpose: guiding and training a mentee (in this case a student) to be successful in her/his chosen discipline or field. A strong mentoring relationship is one that prepares the mentee to research, publish, collaborate, and mentor others.

Mentoring requires patience and understanding, honesty and commitment. Ursula Le Guinn, the incredible science fiction author wrote that “people change and forget to tell each other”- that is we don’t communicate our needs and wants to each other. The mentoring relationship is one in which this must be done by both parties if success for the mentee is to occur. Having an idea of each stage of mentoring can lead to better communication and can help you to know what to expect as you begin to look for or work with a mentor. At what stage is your mentoring relationship? Knowing this will help you collaborate with your mentor to co-create what you need.

What follows are The GMC’s detailed guidelines for negotiating each mentoring stage. Instead of presenting them as a checklist, the guidelines are a set of reflective questions and contemplative practices that help the mentor and mentee begin to dialogue with each other. In some cases, the guidelines are repeated at each stage with slight variations.

The reflective questions and contemplative practices serve multiple purposes: they avoid the appearance of “let’s check it off the list” that can make a meeting rushed or mentor seem dis-interested. They also help mentor and mentee develop the practice of intentional dialogue, listening, and bearing witness. In addition, the questions open the possibilities of additional questions that may not be asked with a checklist. Finally, the repetition and variation of the practices allow mentor and mentee the opportunity to practice them with an awareness to their growth and, overtime, allow them to embody the practices as part of the mentoring relationship.

Stage 1 – Reflection

What questions can mentee and mentor ask to decide if this is the right relationship for you? Take time to contemplate your intention(s) for a mentoring relationship.

• What do you need and want at this point in your career and life?
• What type of characteristics are you looking for in a mentor or a mentee?
  • A first-year student needs different guidance than a doctoral candidate.
  • A non-tenured faculty member has different guidance to offer than a tenured faculty or staff member.
• Do you want to work with someone within or outside your discipline?
• Who in your life would be a good mentor to you and why?

Once you have answered the questions, take the next step and contact potential mentors. Clearly communicate your reasons for wanting to establish a mentoring relationship with this person and ask if they would be interested and able to meet with you to discuss the matter more.

Developing mentoring relationship(s) takes trust and communication. Mentee and mentor must commit time to know each other in a respectful manner. But, before you can trust someone, you must reflect what you need in a mentor, what expectations you have of this person and yourself (and why), what it means to trust, and what types of communication you need.

It is quite possible that you have never considered these things before. If that is the case, it does not mean that you cannot work with a mentor. In fact, when you find the mentor you need, that person will invite you to contemplate all this and more. If you have considered these ideas before, it does not mean that you cannot reflect on them again, this time with a different view based on your experiences.

A strong mentoring relationship is one that prepares the mentee to research, publish, collaborate, and mentor others. It also helps the mentee to better understand themselves, their research, and their roles(s) within the academy and outside of it. Ultimately, such a relationship helps both mentor and mentee grow in unexpected ways.

How do you begin to reflect on what you need? One of the first things you can do is to understand the different elements that comprise a mentoring relationship. This list is not exhaustive. It can, however, serve as a guide to help you decide if you are getting what you need. We invite you to answer the questions at various stages of your mentoring relationship. As you change, your needs change. This can help you become aware of when those changes happen.

After reflecting on the elements of strong mentoring (trust, reciprocity, learning, relationship, partnership, collaboration, mutually defined goals, and development), reflect on the questions below. Responses to both sets of questions can help you better understand what you need from a mentor, why, and when. For example, you may need different types of mentors at different points in your career and life. Most importantly, your answers can help you trace your own mentoring journey.

First Things First

• Why do you want/need a mentor?
• What are 3 things you want your mentor to know/not know about you?
• What are 3 things you want to know/not know about your mentor?

The Mentoring Journey

• Describe your mentoring experiences (at any stage) in one sentence
  • What words or phrases stick out to you the most?
• Reflect on 2 experiences that were foundational in helping you define mentoring?
  • What to do and what not to do?

Expectations

• Describe 3-5 expectations you have about mentoring based on your experiences. Are these expectations:
  • realistic?
  • achievable?
  • aligned with your visions for success?
  • aligned with your learning and living values?

Learning

• Describe your learning style and needs.
• Describe your communication style.
  • Do you need consistent feedback? Monthly check-ins? Reminders? Support? Encouragement?
• What do you want to learn from a mentor or mentors?
• What skills or knowledge does the mentor have to help you?

Mentoring

• Describe 3 reasons you want/need a mentor.
• What assumptions do you have about a mentor (e.g., needs to be in field)?
• What are 3 things that are non-negotiable in your mentor (e.g., same sex/gender, race)?
• What agreements do you need to have with your mentor (e.g., communication)?

To get the mentoring you need, reflect first on what makes you, the mentee, the person who you are. Then ask yourself: What type of mentor/mentee can help me be/come the person I have yet to imagine.

Stage 2 – Initiation

How will you and your mentor learn about each other? 

Once mentee and mentor decide to work together, a series of processes take place:

• introductions
• establishing goals and accountability measures
• setting and understanding boundaries
• determining accountability strategies

During this stage, both mentee and mentor are working to learn about each other, what will be needed to work together, and the best ways to do this. You are also working to develop trust between each other.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. It develops slowly and from being able to, for example, honestly say what is needed/wanted. It deepens as each person becomes comfortable with revealing and sharing parts of their personal and professional selves, and where/how they intersect. Both mentor and mentee must be able to share this information without judgment or feeling as if they are being judged. Without this, the other stages of the mentoring relationship will not be successful.

 After reflection, you have decided that you want to be in a mentoring relationship with a specific person and/or you are willing to mentor someone. Now, you may be asking yourself:

• How long is this stage?
• What steps do I take?
• How many steps are there?

Remember that you are building a relationship and, like any relationship, several steps need to happen before moving from one stage to another. At this stage – initiation – steps may include, but not be limited to:

• making introductions
• learning about each other’s
  • histories
  • communities
  • likes/dislikes
  • boundaries
  • communication styles
  • beliefs about success
  • beliefs about advising and mentoring
• establishing goals
• determining accountability strategies

How long does this stage last? That will depend on the willingness and ability of both mentor and mentee to build trust with one another. During this time, both mentee and mentor are discovering what they need to work together, and the best ways to do so.

How do you prepare for your first meeting after completing the reflection stage? Whether or not you are meeting in person or virtually, you can prepare by taking a few minutes to answer the questions below.

• Why am I asking for / agreeing to this meeting?
• Students, you may want to use the mentoring map to know what type of mentorship you are seeking through this faculty member.
• What are three questions I need/want to ask and/or know during the meeting?
• How will they help me assess:
  • o If I have time to provide what is needed/wanted.
  • o If this is the person with whom I want a mentoring relationship.
  • o If I need more information to educate myself about the person making the request, and what they need.
  • o If I can make a decision now or later.
• What would I like to accomplish during and by the end of the meeting?

Let us assume that you have found the person with whom you want to work. Have you TALKED? Note: when this practice is offered as part of a mentoring stage, the steps may be different.

• Have you taken time to assess your needs?
• Have you listened to understand?
• What do you know or don’t know?
• Do you need to educate yourself to know more?
• Have you decided what your next steps are?

Getting to know each other will be one of the most difficult parts of building a mentoring relationship. You arrive to meet each other, sometimes for the first time. Even if it is not the first time you are meeting, you should treat it as if it is, especially if you are changing the type of your relationship you have with one another.

Have You TALKED (Stage 2)?

Let’s return to where we started. As you begin the initiation stage of mentoring, have you TALKED?

• Take time to learn about what you need.
  • If you are the faculty member, ask the graduate student what they need/want, and how/why they think you can be of assistance to them.
  • If you are the graduate student, after sharing with the faculty member what you need/want, and how/why you think they can be of assistance to you, ask them whether or not what you need/want is within their interest, time, and/or resources at this moment.
  • Be honest with your answers. This can help you determine whether or not you should move forward with each other.
• Assess your needs after you have spoken.
  • Neither student nor faculty member should feel rushed to make a decision to work with each other after one meeting. Instead of rushing to say yes, contemplative practices offer you an opportunity to think about your options and the consequences of your responses.
• Listen to understand.
  • If you find yourself listening and preparing an answer, stop. Instead, practice listening to the words being said, to facial expressions, to body movements.
  • If necessary, let the speaker know you will be taking notes to help you remember and better respond.
• Know what you know or don’t know. And be honest about it.
  • Before you end your meeting, do you have what you need to make a decision?
  • If not, what questions do you need/want to ask for more information, to get clarification, to what additional resources might be needed?
  • Is there anything that made you uncomfortable or uncertain?
• Educate yourself. If you have made the decision to move forward with the relationship, how do you begin to educate yourself about the particular context(s) that will shape your relationship? You may already know quite a bit about each other’s disciplines and research. However, relationships are between people. When thinking about contexts ask yourself, what do I know about this person’s:
  • identity?
  • preferred methods of communication?
  • boundaries or parameters?
  • beliefs about success?
  • accountability strategies?
• Decide if this is the mentoring relationship for you and why. Although you can, you do not have to make your decision by the end of the meeting. If you need time to think on it, say so. However, set a follow-up date – within three days – to do so.
  • If either of you decide that you do not want to move forward, please say so immediately. But also say why: time restraints, misaligned interests, lack of resources. If faculty, offer suggestions for other possibilities. If time restraints are the reason, but you’d like to work with student in another capacity, say so.
  • If you both agree, please say so immediately. And say why. Then:
    • schedule monthly meetings for the semester.
    • schedule a meeting for two weeks away at which you will discuss:
    • goals for the mentoring relationship
    • specific projects that are to be addressed (e.g., writing thesis, dissertation, articles; job search; a new skill set)
    • a timeline for moving forward
    • how you will assess progress/completion of goals
    • how you will communicate
    • monthly meetings
    • shorter check-in meetings
    • in person or virtual

How long does this stage last? Again, that will depend on the willingness and ability of both mentor and mentee to build trust with one another about their research and the contexts that shape their research. The more you are able to engage in deep dialogue and deep listening, the more you will be able to learn about each other and the work that you will do together.

Another question you may be asking is how long should this mentoring relationships last? You can best answer this question by engaging with ongoing review and assessment of the original goals that were established. Is mentoring tied to dissertation completion? A publication? Understanding graduate school? At the end of each semester, it is important for a mentee and a mentor to discuss whether or not their goals have been accomplished and if they wish to continue working with one another. If the answer is yes, then the next stage of mentoring to consider is cultivation. That is, how do you begin to grow and maintain your relationship to ensure continued success for your mentee.

Good mentoring changes lives.  To get the mentoring you need, reflect first on what makes you, the mentee, the person who you are. To give the mentoring you want, reflect first on how your mentoring experiences have shaped you and your mentoring practices. Then, initiate a conversation with each other to learn if this is the right step for you and, if so, begin planning your journey. Along the way you will learn a little bit about each other and even more about yourself.

Stage 3 – Cultivation

How will you and your mentor grow and maintain your relationship? 

The initiation stage may vary in length for each relationship. After you have established the relationship parameters of the relationship, and the ways in which mentoring will occur, a much harder stage begins: that of cultivating, growing, and maintaining the relationship. At this stage, mentor and mentee must recommit to the relationship, its ebbs and flows, and the possible ways it can and will change based on their individual and collective personal and professional growth.

Mentee and mentor must continuously commit to and work towards meeting the intentions and goals established during stage two. Each must also be willing to acknowledge personal and professional growth. Intentions and goals, therefore, must be revisited regularly to ensure that mentee and mentor are aligned. This stage may deepen your relationship or highlight the fissures of the relationship. It is during the cultivation stage that mentor and mentee can become complacent with each other and stop engaging accountability practices, relying on each other’s assumed ability to do what is needed. However, it is at this time when it becomes even more important to meet and engage each other to clarify expectations and needs, and to refine and revise how you work with each other.

If you have maintained strong communication – all with the intent of assisting the mentee- moving forward will be supported through the intentions of meeting the needs of the mentee, recognizing growth, and committing to change that will lead to the mentee’s success.

You are now in a relationship. How will you – mentor and mentee – grow and maintain your relationship? As is the case with any type of relationship, if you are not intentional about what type of attention you give it, it will not grow or sometimes it will grow without you.

This can be one of the most difficult stages. Questions to ask yourself:

• Do you feel that you know each other very well?
• Are your initial agreements with each other the same?
• Have you co-created a way to have dialogue with each other?
• Do you need to revise this?
• Have you created an environment that welcomes questions and honest answers?
• Have you or your interest (research, program, for example) changed?
• If so, have you shared this change?

To cultivate a relationship is to return to both the reflection and initiation stages to determine if your expectations about the relationship, program, research, and/or progress are realistic and/or feasible.  Whatever your answer, now is the time to commit to at least one monthly meeting to not lose sight of steps you need to take.

How long does this stage last? Trust is the foundation of every relationship. It develops slowly and from being able to, for example, honestly say what is needed/wanted. It deepens as each person becomes comfortable with revealing and sharing parts of their personal and professional selves, and where/how they intersect. Without trust, the stage of mentoring will not be successful. To cultivate a relationship, you must communicate.

Before and during each of your meetings, commit to the practice of Bearing Witness. During the cultivation stage, bearing witness can help you discern if your responses are grounded in your own perspective or the other person’s. It can stop you from re-acting out of your own expectations and truly listen to what is being said. In relationships that hold a power dynamic, bearing witness can help mitigate the fear and discomfort graduate students sometimes feel when speaking to faculty members, even their own advisors and mentors.

Have you TALKED (Stage 3)?

• Take time to commit to meeting regularly.
  • Plan meetings at the beginning of the semester.
  • Commit to meeting at least once a month.
  • Be flexible with meeting format (e.g., virtual, texting, phone).
  • If you are the faculty member, ask the graduate student about their semester plan and if you could review it together.
  • If you are the graduate student, commit to reviewing your plan and discussing concerns about completing it.
• Assess your semester plan regularly.
  • If you are the graduate student, commitment to assessing your plan every week when you review your schedule.
  • If you are the faculty member, review your mentee’s weekly and monthly progress at your meeting. Doing so could help you both understand habits that are helpful or not to the student.
• Listen to understand.
  • If you find yourself listening and preparing an answer, stop. Instead, practice listening to the words being said, to facial expressions, to body movements.
  • If necessary, let the speaker know you will be taking notes to help you remember and better respond.
  • At this stage, listen for any shifts in language, plans, and/or expectations. These are often the first places that a shift can be seen in interest and/or progress.
• Know what you know or don’t know. And be honest about it.
  • Before you end your meeting, have you asked the questions you wanted to ask?
  • If not, what questions do you need/want to ask for more information, to get clarification, to what additional resources might be needed?
  • Is there anything that made you uncomfortable or uncertain?
• Educate yourself.
  • If you are the faculty member, did your review of the semester plan or subsequent dialogue reveal where the student may need additional assistance or resources? How can you assist the student access what they need?
  • If you are the graduate student, did your review of the semester plan or subsequent dialogue reveal where you may need additional assistance or resources? If your mentor does not make a suggestion or offer help, are you prepared to ask them for what you need?
• Decide if the direction in which you are going is what is needed at this moment?
  • This would be the time to re-commit to the mentoring relationship.
  • If you are the faculty member, is this a time to invite the student to re-assess the progress of their learning plan or specific research goals?
  • If you are the graduate student, is this the time to re-assess your progress of your learning plan or specific research goals? Your personal goals?
  • Or, perhaps if you have been in your mentoring relationship for a long time, this would be a time to decide if it is meeting your needs.

The cultivation stage may bring you to another question: how long should this mentoring relationships last? If you find yourself asking this question often, perhaps you need to reflect on whether or not one or both of you have outgrown the relationship, or whether it is no longer meeting your needs.

Whatever your answer, it is always important to ask questions about why you are in the relationship. Is mentoring tied to dissertation completion? A publication? Understanding graduate school? At the end of each semester, it is important for a mentee and a mentor to discuss whether or not their goals have been accomplished and if they wish to continue working with one another. If the answer is yes, then the next step is to re-commit to the relationship and determine together what the next phase of growth looks like.

To get the mentoring you need, reflect first on what makes you, the mentee, the person who you are. To give the mentoring you want, reflect first on how your mentoring experiences have shaped you and your mentoring practices. Then, initiate a conversation with each other to learn if this is the right step for you and, if so, begin planning your journey. Once you enter the relationship, commit to cultivating it by building trust with each other.

Stage 4 – Separation

How will you and your mentor know when it is time to move on and how do you do this amicably? 

There will be a point in your relationship where it may be necessary to separate from each other. This may be for multiple reasons: change in interests; graduation; life changes; mentee and mentor have grown apart; or perhaps the relationship was not successful. Whatever the reason, how you transition from the relationship is as important as how you initiated it.

Clear communication about why separation is needed will assist the mentee and mentor in being able to acknowledge the growth or failure that has occurred and define the reasons why separation at this time would benefit both. Separation could be as simple as it is time for the mentee to graduate or to begin his/her own professional career. Or, it could be as complicated as an unsuccessful mentoring relationship.

NOTE. Stage #4 guidelines are based on a relationship that has been cultivated with trust and respect. Mentoring relationships in which trust and respect have been broken or not earned may dissolve during the initiation or cultivation stage abruptly or without dialogue about how or why. In these cases, it is important that the impact on the mentee be considered, especially if such a relationship has affected their mental health and ability to engage fully in their research and studies.

You have now been in a mentoring relationship for some time. Whether the relationship is short term, situational, or long term, similar to other types of relationships, you may find a need or desire to separate from the relationship. That does not mean you cannot return to the relationship. It does mean, however, that if you are considering separating from the relationship that you must contemplate what or who has changed and why.

A phase that sums up Stage #4 is one by the great science fiction writer Ursula LeGuin: “People change and they forget to tell each other.” The need to separate from your mentoring relationship may be for many reasons. Whatever they are, it is important that both mentor and mentee use the practices of Bearing Witness and Have You TALKED? to listen to understand why separation is being considered. After this is understood, the how to separate from one another is important.

When either mentor or mentee has arrived at the decision to separate, what steps can you take to ensure that such a change does no harm to either one of you, and that it supports the next steps in the mentee’s journey towards success?

If you have cultivated a mentoring relationship based on the characteristics of a mentoring relationship, such as reciprocity and understanding the contexts that shape each of you, the separation stage done with intention and purpose can help mentor and mentee redefine their relationship into something new and different (Stage #4).

How will you – mentor and mentee – begin this often difficult and painful process, one that may be necessary for both of your growths?

Questions to ask yourself:

• Have you reviewed individually or together your original and recent goals for the relationship?
• Have you achieved those goals?
• Have you reviewed individually or together what you wanted to receive/offer from the relationship (this may apply to short term or situational mentoring relationships and specifically identified skills or knowledge)?
• Have you received/offered what was agreed upon?
• How have you changed because of this mentoring relationship?
• Have your interests changed because of this relationship?
• If so, have you shared this change?
• Is the relationship in its current form expansive enough for those changes?
• If you are the mentor, have your research interests changed, or are they taking you in a direction professionally or physically away from your mentee?
• If you are the mentee, has the mentoring relationship resulted in a change in your research interests or professional plans?
• If your answers are yes, especially, then we recommend – if you have not already done so – scheduling a time to speak with each other using the practices of Bearing Witness and Have You Talked.

Before the meeting:

• State the reason for the meeting. While you may or may not be able to fully articulate this, we encourage you to reflect on the reasons for needing or wanting to change or separate from your mentoring relationship.

During the meeting:

• Thank each other for the opportunity to have the mentoring relationship, and being able to receive/offer what was originally set as goals.
• Whether you are the mentor or mentee, be clear about what you have received from the relationship.
• Also be clear about how this has changed the direction in which you’d like to go, or the research you’d like to pursue.
• Whether the mentor or mentee, be clear about how you’d like to move forward.
• Mentee: Ask whether or not the other person is able to support your new direction.
  • If not, ask them are their colleagues they could recommend.
  • If you have had a great mentoring relationship, ask if in the future you may contact them and share your work, or meet to talk informally. This is the beginning of Stage #5, the redefinition of the mentoring relationship.
• Mentor: State whether or not your new direction would or would not support the mentee.
  • If not, offer some options for your mentee, including introducing them to other colleagues.
• Conclude the meeting by:
  • Agreeing what steps need to be taken/completed to transition from the mentoring relationship (e.g., final reviews of any projects in process).
  • Being clear whether or not you will stay in contact.
  • Giving gratitude.

How long does this stage last? This stage can end abruptly. It can also be an intentional transition that allows both mentor and mentee to “get things in order” and bring the relationship to closure. Trust is the foundation of every relationship. If trust has been part of the relationship, the transition does not have to be difficult or painful. Instead, it is an opportunity for both mentor and mentee to show respect for an often misunderstood and resisted part of human relationships: change. The paradox of change: that without it neither mentor nor mentee can move forward and grow in new ways.

Before and during each of your meetings, commit to the practice of Bearing Witness. During the separation stage, bearing witness can help you discern the real reasons for needing to separate from the relationship. It can stop you from doubting yourself or taking the reasons for the separation personally or as a sign of failure.

Have you TALKED (Stage 4)?

• Take time to commit to meeting regularly.
  • Plan meetings at the beginning of the semester.
  • Commit to meeting at least once a month.
  • Be flexible with meeting format (e.g., virtual, texting, phone).
  • If you are the faculty member, notice if there is a change in your communication with your mentee.
  • If you are a graduate student, pay attention to how you are feeling before, during, and after you meet with your mentor.
• Assess your semester plan regularly.
  • If you are a graduate student, notice if your goals and research are changing drastically from your plan.
  • If you are the faculty member, review your mentee’s weekly and monthly progress at your meeting. Pay attention to what is changing and how.

• Listen to understand.
  • If you find yourself listening and preparing an answer, stop. Instead, practice listening to the words being said, to facial expressions, to body movements.
  • If necessary, let the speaker know you will be taking notes to help you remember and better respond.
  • At this stage, listen for silences and hesitancies. Listen to what is really being said and any indications that the mentor/mentee is reluctant to continue in the relationship.
  • Make it a practice that you both ask in this stage if and how the relationship is still serving your needs. This question should be asked in the cultivation stage as well.

• Know what you know or don’t know. And be honest about it.
  • Before you end your meeting, have you asked the questions you wanted to ask?
  • If not, what questions do you need/want to ask for more information, to get clarification, to what additional resources might be needed?
  • Is there anything that made you uncomfortable or uncertain?
  • If there is question about whether or not to continue in the relationship, agree to continue discussions.
• Educate yourself.
  • If you are the faculty member, did your review of the semester plan or subsequent dialogue reveal that the mentoring relationship needs to change?
  • Provided that the separation is not due to difficulty in the relationship, how can you assist the student make this transition?
  • If you are the graduate student, did your review of the semester plan or subsequent dialogue reveal you need to transition from the relationship? If so, and provided the separation is not due to difficulty in the relationship, how can your mentor assist you in this change?

• Decide if the direction in which you are going is what is needed at this moment?
  • This would be the time to re-commit to mentoring in its fullest.
  • If you are the faculty member, what will you do to mark the separation and help the mentee transition?
  • If you are a graduate student, how does this separation help you move forward to the next step you want to take?

Stage 5 – Redefinition

How do you and your mentor continue your relationship as you move from mentee to colleague and, even, to mentor? 

Eventually, the mentee will become a mentor or transition to her or his career. This is a delicate time that requires the mentor to acknowledge that the mentee may now be a colleague or collaborator. It is also a time when the mentee must acknowledge her or his success and become more confident about her or his research.

This stage is very exciting: both former mentee and mentor can choose to continue the relationship or end it. If the former, relationship may still need to be negotiated to incorporate the mentee’s new status as professional. If the latter, how does one negotiate the mentee’s new status as a colleague who no longer needs this particular mentoring relationship?

If and when you arrive at Stage #5, then your mentoring relationship has, perhaps, resulted in reciprocal change and growth. To arrive at this stage, both mentor and mentee have engaged in reflection and cultivation of the relationship, even if it has been short term or situational. In the case of short term and/or situational relationships, identifying when it is time to separate from or redefine the relationship is one way to articulate boundaries and expectations and, even, the possibility of a redefined relationship.

You are now coming to the time when your mentoring relationship has met its goals. Whether the relationship is short term, situational, or long term, similar to other types of relationships, you may find a need or desire to develop it in a different way. If you both agree that it is time to re-evaluate your mentoring relationship and have agreed that separation (Stage 4) is not the option for you, then schedule a meeting (or more) to only discuss the next steps with this primary question in mind: How do you continue your relationship as you move from mentee-mentor to colleague and, even, from mentee to mentor or mentor to mentee?

Stage 5 is a great opportunity for both mentor and mentee to reflect on the initial reason(s) that initiated the mentoring relationship, the mentee’s progress and completion of goals, the mentor’s observations, and an honest assessment of the next steps in the mentee’s life. This is also the time for both mentor and mentee to reflect on their personal and professional needs and wants for the future.

As with the previous stages, we encourage mentor and mentee to use the practices of Bearing Witness and Have You Talked to listen to understand what has been completed, what is being assessed, how each person and their goals have changed, and how they envision their futures. This is not a conversation that should be rushed. If after the first meeting you feel there is more to discuss, schedule another meeting to continue the discussion.

When relationships are in transition, we often want to know immediately all the details and to redefine them before truly reflecting on the process of redefinition. While Stage 5 questions are similar to Stage 4, they are designed to not end the mentoring relationship but to expand or transform it.

While you may utilize Have you TALKED? at this stage, by this time mentor and mentee should have developed a practice of dialoguing and listening to each. Instead, it may be more beneficial to have a series of short questions.

Questions to ask yourself:

• Have all your goals been met?
• Have you received/offered individually or together what you wanted to receive/offer from the relationship (this may apply to short term or situational mentoring relationships and specifically identified skills or knowledge)?
• Do you both agree that you have outgrown the current form of the relationship, or that it needs to take another form to better support the current mentee’s growth?
• If your answer is no to these questions, then we recommend contemplating whether or not the mentoring relationship can support the completion of the mentee’s goals and whether or not additional mentors might be needed to support it. Remember that one mentor cannot fulfill all the needs of a mentee.
• If your answers are yes, then we recommend – if you have not already done so – scheduling a time to speak with each other using the practices of Bearing Witness and Have You TALKED.

Before the meeting:

• State the reason for the meeting. Consider what a “redefined” relationship may look like in one year, three years, five years; after graduation; after sabbatical; or after retirement.

During the meeting:

• Thank each other for the opportunity to have the mentoring relationship, and being able to receive/offer what was originally set as goals.
• Whether you are the mentor or mentee, be clear about what you have received from the relationship.
• Be clear about how and why you envision a different type of relationship with each other: professional mentoring relationship (e.g., senior scholar/researcher and emerging scholar/researcher), collaborators, soon to be colleagues, possible friends.
• Whether the mentor or mentee, be clear about how you’d like to move forward.
• Mentee: Ask whether or not the other person is interested in working together in a different way. This is the beginning of Stage #5, the redefinition of the mentoring relationship. Be clear about how you envision this new relationship. While professional collaboration is often the easiest and most obvious, depending on the length of your mentoring relationship you may have already discovered a beginning friendship that balances personal and professional needs.
• Mentor: State whether or not this new vision of your changing relationship is something of interest to you, or how you are envisioning the redefinition of your relationship. As you near the end of the mentoring relationship, are you the one in need of mentoring?
• Conclude the meeting by:
  • Agreeing what steps need to be taken/completed to redefine the mentoring relationship you currently have into another kind of mentoring relationship, a non-mentoring professional relationship, or a professional friendship.
  • Being clear about how you will stay in contact during and after this stage.
  • Giving gratitude.

How long does this stage last? There is no specific time for the process and development for redefining a mentoring relationship. However, if both mentor and mentee have been intentionally engaged with one another and have used their time to reflect and cultivate a relationship based on respect, bearing witness, dialogue, and understanding, you may discover that your relationship has been changing and redefining as you both grow.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. If trust has been part of the relationship, redefining the relationship will invite both mentor and mentee to trust themselves and each other to grow in ways that could lead to friendship and professional support and collaborations that last well beyond the number of years of the initial mentoring relationship.

Although redefinition can be seen as the fifth articulated stage of mentoring, it is not by any means the “final” stage of mentoring. That is, after a mentoring relationship has been redefined, there are multiple opportunities to discover other aspects of such a relationship, especially if mentor and mentee switch roles, or the relationship becomes a long-term professional mentoring relationship that moves between the personal and the professional.

As with Stage 4 – Separation –  this stage is  an opportunity for both mentor and mentee to show respect for an often misunderstood and resisted part of human relationships: change. The paradox of change: that without it neither mentor nor mentee can move forward and grow in new ways. However, Stage 5 – Redefinition – is also an opportunity for mentor and mentee to understand the power of transformation in both their lives. It is an invitation to discover the unexpected in both one’s research and one’s self.